"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

It's 7am, I take my freshly brewed cup of tea and sit by the end of my bed, embracing my cup closer to my chest and taking in all the warmth through my fingers. As I slowly drift into my melancholic state of mind I look up to see the time as if I was running out of it and as if I was running away from it. Taking a few gulps of my warm beverage I make my way into my closet and prepare to get ready to somehow "seize" the day. 

It's 5pm, I take off my coat and boots and waltz through the kitchen, turn on the coffee machine and swing a cup into place. I take my cup of coffee, turn to the TV that I've switched on to keep me company and settle on the sofa that keeps me comfy.

It comes clear to me that mornings are the worst, the quiet sound of the day beginning is a daily reminder of all the thoughts that I can hear so loud.  Although a new day gives me a new slate for new memories and new ideas to be written, they drain me by dusk and I'm left every breaking of dawn with a glimpse of the life I lived and the days that have passed.
Every breaking dawn I sit by the end of my bed, reminiscing of better days, realising how and why life has turned out the way it has. I feel like the earth has somehow opened up and swallowed me inside, my life goes on but I am not living. The world revolves around a star and seasons change but I still find myself unable to move forward from my warm mugs and solitude. I have not become numb to it all, I have simply succumbed to the truth that there is no change. 

This monotonous routine of something called life drags me down and gravity is heavier than ever. 

New world.

In search of a new world, where we don't lose to photographs and movies because we see fantasies we can never live. Where there would be no need to create platforms for illusions where we wait for the train of reality that is sadly, delayed by a few minutes of the drowning present.
No more coffee sips for a morning of mourning for our days were too long and nights too short. No longer are we occupied by the idea of being unique, but we come together in union despite our differences. A world where we don't try to see through the eyes of our neighbours, lovers, friends, a world where we don't let our insecurities get the most of us. Where we give the little we have to the less privileged. Where our blessings are no longer in disguise and no longer required, for we have learnt to be grateful with what we have been given. A world where we strive to be happy rather than successful, to be beautiful rather than pretty. A world where young girls no longer hide behind their false lashes or blushes. A world where love is not difficult to find, where loneliness is no longer known. A world with peace. A world with no weapons.
A world that doesn't exist.

Taming the body, controlling the mind.

Flushed with embarrassment, she eases out of the club, clinging onto her friend in a failing attempt to hide herself. From what? She turned scarlet and was disgusted, but she knew it was amazing. Beyond amazing. In the dimmed, urine soaked toilets she found perfect paradise. It ignited every living cell within her, leaving her electric and alive, followed by ashamed and mortified. Her feet gracefully made it's way on the uneven ground and to the taxi ahead. Her hands secretly pulled her dress down, trying to cover her bare skin. Lipstick vanished, mascara smudged.
She turns to her friend and tilts her head to the side, leaning on her shoulder, showing a sign of gratitude before she slowly drifted into her thoughts.
The human body and the human mind are two different elements, tangled but not connected. Synchronised but never together. How could our body want something our mind won't allow? How can our mind want something our body can't handle? Two powerful poles at constant battle with each other. Our whole lives we wander in this insane state, at war with our selves. Taming the body, controlling the mind. That fine line that distinguishes us from other species. The ability to express but the capacity to limit.
Freeing the soul, losing life, barely living, nearly killed.